


No One Will Ever Suspect I Stole Your Sperm! Not Even the TV Watching Public!

by Helloiamsilver



Series: Adam's a Baby Daddy [5]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Artificial Insemination, Crack, F/M, Humor, M/M, Other, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-13
Updated: 2011-09-13
Packaged: 2017-10-23 17:26:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/252894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helloiamsilver/pseuds/Helloiamsilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam and Julie need to get their story straight</p>
            </blockquote>





	No One Will Ever Suspect I Stole Your Sperm! Not Even the TV Watching Public!

“Ok, so here’s the deal,” Lane began as she looked across the coffee table at where Adam and Julie were seated, “The chances of anyone actually BELIEVING the real story here, let alone accepting it, are about nonexistent so I believe that I have created a reasonable enough alternate explanation that you can tell to the world,” She looked back and forth between the two for confirmation. They nodded in agreement and Julie looked like she was about to say something, but Lane shot her a look and she wisely kept her mouth shut, “So, here’s what you are going to say happened,” She began explaining slowly and clearly, as if to children, “Adam, you donated sperm before you went on Idol. You don’t have to say when, just that you did it,” He nodded, “And as time went on, you eventually grew curious as to what happened to that sperm. You then did some research and discovered that it had been used in an artificial insemination procedure on Miss Julie Turner here. You then decided to be a part of the children’s lives,” Adam nodded, assured that his part of this story was done, “Ok, now Julie. You had wanted a baby for a while, but had never found the right guy, correct?” Julie opened her mouth, but Lane held up a finger, “So, you decided to get artificial insemination done. Now, Julie?” Lane paused, “Here’s the most important part. You DID NOT know that it was Adam’s sperm at the time. Ok? It was absolutely, completely, random. You had no idea until Adam contacted YOU and told you that the kids were his. Got that?” Julie nodded, still unsure if she had the go ahead to speak or not, “Good,” Lane sat back, apparently satisfied that the two of them understood. Adam carefully held up a hand and Lane rolled her eyes, “You may speak now,”  
“Ok, good. So when, where and how are we going to announce this fact? Because I’d rather it not be because of paparazzi or internet stalkers,”   
“Of course not. Actually I think I have the perfect time and place for this to happen…”  
\--  
“Hello, and back on the show today, we have Adam Lambert!” Ellen DeGeneres announced. The crowd roared as the women (and some men) cheered for him. Ellen pulled Adam into a generous hug before allowing him to plop down in the seat across from her. After exchanging the various greetings and compliments and a discussion on Adam’s upcoming album, finally the question came up.   
“So, Adam…how’s the personal life going?”  
“Actually, I have a little announcement to make,” They had already planned this with the whole show, so Ellen knew what he going to say. However, the audience had no idea and waited with bated breaths. Adam took his own deep breath.  
“Um…I’m, I’m uh going to be a dad,” The whole room exploded with noise. Adam just chuckled nervously and ducked his head. Cheers, catcalls and congratulations were all being thrown his way. Ellen grinned loudly and patted him on the back.  
“Congratulations! Wow, so you got to give us an explanation here!” She shook his shoulders before backing up, “I mean, how? Why? When? With whom?”  
“With whom…ha! Um, well actually there’s a very, VERY, interesting story to this one…” Ellen gestured for him to continue the fuck on. Adam struggled to recollect Lane’s exact instructions.   
“Well, uh, before Idol, I had, donated sperm and…”  
“I imagine a lot of ladies here are upset they didn’t get their hands on that!” Ellen interrupted and Adam laughed along and went on to explain how he had recently begun to wonder what had happened to that sperm and how with the help of a little digging had found out that it had been used for artificial insemination for a woman named Julie Turner, who was currently pregnant with twins.  
“Wow! That must have been quite a shock for her wasn’t it?” Ellen asked. Adam barked out a laugh.  
“OH, it was a shock all right…” Not for Julie, but no one needed to know that.  
“So, what are your plans now that you know…that you have kids on the way?”   
“Well, I’m hoping to get to know them! You always hear all those stories of people tracking down their birth parents or parents tracking down their long-lost children. I was just lucky enough to find out about them before they were even born! This way, I can…be a part of their lives. I can be their real daddy,” A chorus of “Aww’s” echoed throughout the audience and Ellen joined in before asking another question.  
“So, you have a boyfriend I understand…”  
“Yes! Yes, I do,” The crowd cheered more and Adam grinned to them. Audience reactions were inexplicable at times.  
“How does HE feel about all this?”   
“He’s actually…shockingly ok with it,” Adam answered between chuckles, “Sauli’s amazing. After he got over the initial surprise, I think he might have been calmer about it than I was…” Adam scratched the back of his head in mock-shame.  
“Ha, well I understand that we actually have the mother, Julie Turner here on the show with us today!” The audience went wild again as Adam nodded, “Come on out Julie!”  
Ellen gestured offstage where Julie had been waiting. She came out grinning and waving, her maternity dress snug over her inflated tummy. She got a hug from Ellen before going seating herself in the chair next to Adam.   
“So Julie, how did it feel when Adam contacted you and told you that…He was the father of your children!?” Ellen asked.  
“Yes, Julie. How did it feel to have such big news dropped on you all of a sudden like that with absolutely no warning?” Adam asked with a barely disguised accusatory undertone. She shot him quick stink eye.  
“It was definitely a shock,” Adam wanted to face-palm. Julie was not a spectacular actor, “Uh, I had, uh, been a huge fan of Adam’s so it was really…overwhelming,”   
To an average viewer, she seemed a little camera-shy. To anyone who actually knew JULIE, it was obvious she wasn’t being genuine.   
“I could imagine it was overwhelming! To have a famous pop star you love call you up and say ‘you’re bearing my children!’” Adam and Julie laughed. Oh, Ellen had no clue how close she was to the truth. And yet, so far. They went on with the rest of the interview with Julie continuing to act quiet and nervous, despite her claim to Ellen that she would have no problem with the publicity. Oh, Adam had no doubt about that, but with the way she was acting now, he could understand why Ellen had a little apprehension. Adam wondered if it would be possible to have Julie permanently on a talk show. He was kind of enjoying the quiet.  
Once the interview was finally over, and Ellen had gifted them with matching Ellen show onesies for Eli and Orchid, they both went backstage and enjoyed a joint sigh of relief that they had gotten the story out without any issues. That is until Julie swept imaginary sweat off her forehead and said loudly.  
“Whew! No one suspected a thing! There’s NO way they’ll figure out I hijacked your sperm!”   
“Um, what about sperm-jacking?” Ellen asked as she appeared around the corner.


End file.
